I started dating at 15. When I think about it now, I only started dating at that tender age because all my friends were doing it and I didn’t want to be the odd one out. Come Valentine’s day, they would all get roses, cards, chocolates and teddy bears. Mina? Dololo. I was under a lot of pressure to feel like a part of ‘the gang’. Every year our school would throw a Valentine’s day bash. I hated those because they did an excellent job at reminding me that I’m ‘undesirable’. I envied those girls whose boyfriends got on stage and called them to come get their gifts. Those song dedications used to annoy me the most. I never got one. Not even from a fake secret admirer. I told myself “No more!” – then I entered the Mxit group chat scene.

Low-key, those groups were ‘dating markets’. Almost like speed dating. You joined a group with a bunch of people. Randomly started talking to strangers until one (or more) was interested enough to go ‘private’. It was always a mission trying to sift through the weirdos. Eventually, I came across a decent guy – let’s call him John. John was cute, sweet and shy. A year older and slightly taller. He was just perfect. Remember, I had dololo dating experience then, so holding hands and hugging were enough to send me through to cloud 9. A couple of weeks went by then John’s patience became thin and he wanted us to take things to ‘the next level’. In this case, the next level was the kissing stage. I panicked because I had never kissed a boy before and he came across as someone with a bit of experience. I spent a day or two practicing with my teddy bear then the big day finally arrived.

Yoh! It was a colossal mess! I couldn’t decide between going for the top or bottom lip. Because that didn’t feel right, I decided to jam my tongue down his throat (oh my soul, I’m cringing from the memory!). We both knew we had to stop when our teeth clinked against each other. That was the most embarrassing 40 seconds of my life!

I was convinced that our relationship ended at that moment. I mean, how do you recover from that? I was doomed! I just knew that I was going to die single and alone. Somehow he sent me a text later that evening. He did not waste time in acknowledging the epic failure and made a joke out of it. That helps calm my nerves and gives me some hope (I might not die alone after all). He then offered (of course he did, duh!) to teach me how to kiss. We set a rendezvous for the next day. It was a success! It was so good that we literally made it a point to see each other everyday just to relive those moments of nothing but pure bliss. Like being in a small heaven. No doubt that he was ‘the one’. I was already planning our wedding in my head. This went on for a few more weeks until I started noticing that he was ‘hiding me’ in a way. Of course he was hiding me – the guy had another girlfriend with whom he went public. I was scared of that girl. She was a bully and two years his senior so when I found out about her I ran! They broke up eventually and he wanted to come back. Then a rumour about him having a fling with one of my friends started making the rounds and I lost all interest in him.

My little heart was too fragile to deal with all this drama. I swore off boys completely and even told my mom that I wanted a ‘silver ring’. A silver ring was a symbol of having committed to remaining sexually abstinent until marriage. A lot of girls at my church were wearing them and I wanted one too. My mom said no. I didn’t understand why – I thought it was every parent’s dream to have their child wait for marriage before engaging in sexual activities. It’s quite clear that she knew something I didn’t and till this day, I commend her for not buckling under pressure. I remained single for a solid three months then Boom! The love of my life appeared.

Let’s assign the name Steve to him. Steve was an ordinary, average looking guy. More or less the same height and the same age as me. He was a bit of a nerd which I think was what attracted me to him. I didn’t want another play boy who would just break my heart all over again so Steve was just perfect. We shared a lot in common. He was into PDA and so was I. I knew we were solid when he started introducing me to his friends and family. We did a lot of things together, including studying. Some used to call us the ‘ultimate power couple’ and I liked it. We dated for about two years before things fell apart because he wanted to take things a level higher than kissing. I was not ready, I was only 17. He moved on. A few months later, the pressure to keep up with peers became intense. ‘I’m going to pop the cherry anyway, I might as well do it now’ – I regret allowing myself to believe this.

We got back together. Things were great but were not the same. The trust and innocence of the relationship was lost. My insecurity went to its peak. Somehow, in the midst of all that drama, we made it through matric. Both did extremely well which was awesome. I remember us sitting by my gate the night before our results came. We were discussing plans to keep the relationship alive. My sponsor had other plans for me. I had to go through a ‘university preparedness program’ first. This meant Steve and I would end up in two different provinces. What was going to become of our relationship? – I wondered. The day of our results came. Oh, what a bittersweet day. We went out for lunch to celebrate and then said our good byes after promising to visit each other twice a month…

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