Okay, I underestimated the amount of work required to take care of a baby by yourself. I’m missing the multiple hands I left back at home. Overall, Mbali is a great child who does not cry often or struggle to fall asleep. But she does demand round-the-clock attention which can make life pretty slow for me.
I can happily say that we have settled in and have developed a routine for her. We wake up, eat, watch cartoons, bath, sleep, play, eat (×7) and repeat. Now we just need to develop my routine. There is no one else around to clean the house, cook and do the dishes. When she naps during the day, I try to squeeze all those chores in, leaving very little or no time for my afternoon nap or blogging. Luckily, I have friends that come after work to mind her while I finish up the rest of the chores.
Someone is coming to help me full-time in the coming week and I’m very excited about that. When it came to looking for help, I procrastinated because I was not quite ready to start sharing my space with another adult. When Mbali is sleeping, it’s easy to forget that she’s here. For those few hours, I get to pretend that I’m really just alone in the house and do whatever tickles my fancy. I’m kind of sad that I’m going to have to let go of that. The sadness quickly fades when I remember that I have to go back to work soon and I desperately need the help. At this point, I find myself fantasizing a lot about being a stay-at-home mom.
This week, I found myself being overcome by the sudden need to feel beautiful again. I ordered a mirror that is about the same height as me (I’m pretty tall) and I’m having the time of my life with it. Immediately after bathing, I stand in front of it and appreciate my beautiful body and all it has been through. The postpartum belly that I couldn’t even look at now causes me to smile. I used to cringe at the sight of my saggy boobs, but now…oh man. I feel a whole new level of sexiness when I look at them. My body is far from perfect but I find myself loving it now more than ever. Yes, I’m going to go back to the gym. But just to stay fit and not necessarily try to look a certain way. I’m happy with the way I look now. For me, all these changes symbolize growth.
Another thing I did on my quest to feeling beautiful was to have my hair plaited. Oh man, I just love my braids. I have been keeping my hair short since December, 2018. Although I do feel really beautiful and pretty content with my short hair, having my hair plaited added a whole new vibe. A whole new level of confidence and sensuality and I’m here for it. I don’t know man, but I’m loving the woman I’m becoming. Yes, life still has its challenges (we’re still right in the middle of global pandemic), but that should not prevent one from celebrating small victories. The small victory I’m choosing to celebrate now is my newly found self-love. I’m actively choosing me again and it feels amazing.
