I want to talk about the surge in gender-based violence in our country but I’m scared. I have never been so scared for my life. My baby’s life. My sisters’ and friends’ lives. My mother and grandmother’s life. My nieces’ lives. I’m scared. What is going on? Everyday, a new headline pops up in my news feed. What is going on?

We are burying three-year-old’s. Expectant mothers. We are discovering our sisters’ bodies in rivers, their boyfriends’ yards and wrapped in blankets under beds. Our friends go to the post office and never come back. Their burnt bodies are found in dump sites. Our 6-week-old daughters have to undergo emergency surgery as a result of being raped. I can’t go to the restaurant with my daughter and have her play in the kids’ play area without fear of her being snatched by a predator who will then rape her in the restaurant’s bathroom. I am scared. I am terrified.

I dread leaving my daughter with her father for a few minutes. I dread introducing my daughter to her uncles and grandfathers. I dread falling in love and getting married because how will I know that the same man I claim to love will not end up raping me, my daughter or just end up killing us both? This man I call my boyfriend and will later refer to as my husband, is it possible that he could be the same man that sexually assaulted my colleague? Who are these men that we live with on a daily basis? And what exactly are they capable of?

I afraid. I am terrified. I am extremely anxious. I am becoming more and more paranoid. I am deleting pictures of my daughter from social media platforms because I cannot be too sure. I’m wondering if sharing pictures of myself, my sisters and friends is a good idea. I can’t deny a man my numbers because I don’t want to find out what he could do in retaliation. I am extremely cautious with how I interact with the men in my life. I don’t know what they are capable of. I don’t want to know what it’s like to upset them to their limits. So I hold back my thoughts about their actions. Even when they upset me. I am scared. I am praying for my life. My daughter’s life. I’m wondering if we as women would continue to suffer at the hands of men if God was a woman. I am scared. I am terrified.

Photo by Fillipe Gomes from Pexels.