…of all the bad habits you picked up along the way. The toxic relationships. Limiting beliefs. Values that do not define you. The drama. Let it all go.

For years now I have been struggling with some form of ‘identity crisis’. I picked up beliefs and values that were foreign to me all in the name of “fitting in”. I tried really hard to conform, even when it felt uncomfortable and unnatural. My self-esteem took a major beating. I became insecure. My anxiety went through the roof and I even allowed myself to downplay the panic attacks I was getting. I became a ‘low quality’ human being. I say ‘low quality’ in the sense that I stopped giving my best self to all my relationships because I feared rejection. I stifled my potential because I did not want to come across as the awkward one. I let opportunities slip through my hands because they threatened my friendships and romantic relationships in some way or the other. Ultimate self sabotage. I would keep up with toxic (and sometimes abusive) behavior because I did not want to hurt my friends’ or partners’ feelings. The sad part is that I often found myself giving too much for people who didn’t even have me in their list of VIP’s. I’m doing away with all of that. Allow me to reintroduce myself:

Hi, I’m Refilwe. I’m a force. An enigma. A lover of life. I recently became a mom to Mbalienhle and her presence is forcing me to wake up from the slumber I’ve been in for more than 6 years. Did I mention the fact that I have a beautiful relationship with good wine?

Before I go further, I’d like to highlight that I’m a spiritual person. When things don’t seem to make sense, I run to God. Even when life is amazing, I still run to Him. I have an awesome relationship with my family – they are my pillar of strength. And by virtue of having them in my life, I have a thing for wholesome, healthy relationships that are family oriented. I love music, deep soulful house in particular. I love going on random road trips. Basically, I’m a carpe diem kind of woman. I’m a bookworm. I love sharing knowledge and wisdom.

I love hard – I don’t deal well with betrayal and broken promises. I have a thing for pouring into others – I love seeing people come out of their comfort zones and grow to their fullest potential. Pouring into others is a gift I give purely from the heart but I noticed I function well when I have others pour into me as well. This is who I am. I live according to my own standards now, so excuse me for not being your regular cup of tea.