I’m officially halfway through the “31 Days of Trying to Stay Awake” challenge and it feels awesome. I’m seeing real progress in the way I think, my time management, the way I engage with others and how I react to situations. I’m not as irritable as I used to be and trust me when I say that I was irritable AF. My patience was running on empty. When I got to Day 7 of my Seven Days of Prayer and Fasting, I realized that seven days is not enough. I should consider lengthening the fast or have more of them in a year (Warning: it’s probably not a good idea to fast if you’re still breastfeeding). I have become one with my spirit. And for the first time, I find myself not making decisions with the heart or the brain. I am guided by the spirit (I will give more details on this towards the end of the challenge).
So, there’s a book that I’m currently reading called One Month To Love by Kerry and Chris Shook. I’m basically reading it for the second time. The last time I read it, I was in my first year in varsity. I was still dating Steve at the time and well, it was right around the time when I believed I was falling out of love with him and was trying to look for ways to “reignite” the fire in my heart (let’s all laugh together). Anyway, I was still a bit too young then and not very experienced in relationships.
As I’m reading the book now, I realize that the message is still the same but it obviously hits different now because of all that I’ve been through. Listen, there’s no better teacher than experience. I needed to go through all that I’ve been through to start appreciating the important things in my life which I have not been paying attention to. Somehow, I had become okay with not communicating with my eldest sister. I understand that we’ve had our struggles for some time now but I’m genuinely at a point where I cannot justify why I have not seen or talked to her in over a year. The book basically asked me what I would do if I only had one month to live and the first thing that came to my mind was that I would call her and tell her how much I love her. I want to do that because I wouldn’t be okay with dying knowing that I never reached out to her. I don’t understand how we became so distant when her daughter and I are practically best friends. We used to be so close. If we manage to revive our relationship (which I’m confident we will), I’m not going to make the mistake of sleeping on it ever again.
And it’s not just her. There’s a particular best friend who also kind of faded in my life. We’ve been friends since primary school and she’s now more of sister than friend. But somewhere during my pregnancy, we just kind of drifted apart. We went from talking for hours at least once a week to going for a month without saying anything at all. I want to blame the pregnancy but I feel that the reason is much deeper than that. As I read through the book, my inability to feed and sustain relationships got exposed. Yes, it takes two to tango but I’ve noticed that I generally don’t ‘relationship’ well. My relationship with baby daddy didn’t have to starve the way it did. A lot of my actions contributed towards its death and I realize now that I could’ve done a lot of things differently. Yes, he also has his faults which
he is paying for but so do I.
I can’t control the next person’s actions but it’s liberating to know that I’m in control of my actions and how I react to other people’s actions. Think about it, situations in our lives appear to be good or bad because of how we choose to see and react to them. The same person who appears to be a horrible person towards me is, interestingly, a really good father to his daughter. They bond so well that sometimes, I become envious. Then it dawned on me that actually, I’m the one being horrible to him because of reasons I will not mention here. And if I don’t work on myself and start looking for healthy ways to engage with him, I’m going to jeopardize my
relationship with my daughter. A very bad chain reaction which can be prevented.
So yes, with help from the book, I’ve spotted about three relationships that I consider to be important, are in ICU and need me to put in work so they can live to see another day. It’s a process and I’m in no way going to expect that all my relationship problems disappear once I’m done reading the book but it’s encouraging to know that I’m taking steps in the right direction. I believe that instead of helping me find solutions to these problems, the book is merely equipping me with the tools necessary to face them head on. Maybe you also find yourself in a similar situation with your spouse, your child(ren) or a parent and don’t know how to remedy it. The first step is
acknowledging that you have the power to take positive actions that will heal your relationships. Ask yourself what those actions are and how to go about executing them. Happy healing, loving and living <3.
