Here is a topic I have been avoiding deliberately because I’m too embarrassed to share the details. But I realize that by not writing about it, I am not committing to my vow to sharing my journey with you guys. So, yes let’s talk about sex after giving birth. Warning: The details I’m about to share may be sensitive to certain readers. So please feel free to stop reading now if this is not your cup of tea. I promise I won’t get offended. Remember, we do not pass judgement on this platform.

Okay, so on the day that I got discharged from hospital, my gynae gave me a simple yet intense instruction – to not let anything go up my va-jay-jay for six weeks. For those who did not know, six weeks is the amount of time doctors recommend for you to heal. The lochia (discharge of leftover blood and uterine tissue) has most probably stopped by then. But it’s not guaranteed that everything will be 100% down there after six weeks. For me, it took longer than six weeks and I think the fact that I had an episiotomy may have contributed to that. Anyway, because of the lockdown I only got see my gynae nine weeks after giving birth. By then, everything had healed. Except my sex drive. I didn’t understand how doctors came to agree on this six weeks waiting period before doing ‘the dance’. Even after nine weeks, I was not feeling sexy at all. I didn’t trust that my va-jay-jay was capable of bringing pleasure. It may have been, but I sure didn’t feel like it.

I did a bit of research as to why things were not really working as they should and I found out that when a woman is breastfeeding, the decline in oestrogen levels and rise in prolactin and oxytocin levels can actually mimic menopause for the first three months. So yes, that was me. I did not want to be touched by anything except my baby in those months. The thought of having sex was just straight up disgusting for me. I think the trauma from birth may have contributed to this as well. The thought of doing the thing that led me to this pain that I felt during birth was just unheard-of. According to a certain Dr Booth, breastfeeding releases oxytocin, a hormone that triggers good feelings towards the baby but suppresses your libido. Basically, that’s your body’s way of preventing another pregnancy too soon. Wow! Honestly, the body is an amazing thing!

So let’s talk about my first postpartum sex experience. It was exactly four months after giving birth. My baby box was working as it should at this time. Even my periods were back to normal. My mind was still not ready but I took the leap anyway. I was preparing to stop breastfeeding at this time, the baby girl was feeding at night and taking formula during the day. As a result, my boobs were not leaking as much anymore and I could go for hours without needing to wear breast pads. So, on that fateful day I decided to wear matching underwear just to amplify the mood a bit. I think I last wore matching underwear at the end of the first trimester (sad situation). Argh shame, I must give credit to Bhut’ Bae man. He really tried to set the mood. Him complementing my body continuously helped boost my confidence. At some point I forgot about my teardrop boobs and pot belly and remembered just how sexy I was. Well, to him at least.

I think the foreplay did it for me. I like being tickled. Gentle kisses on the neck. A bit of nibbling on the earlobes, you know – the works. It was all fireworks until my boobs started leaking. No one – and I mean absolutely no one – prepares you for that. I have never been so embarrassed. That time I was on top. Okay, too much information. But you get the picture. Word of advice if you’re still nursing: Wear a bra and breast pads. It really does rain…especially when you’re about to climax. Unless your partner has some sort of fetish, then you can get away without wearing one. Anyway, I must emphasize the need to be present (mind, body, and soul) in that moment. The biggest mistake I made was trying to remember how it used to be before giving birth. It’s really not the same but you can learn how to make it work postpartum if you allow yourself to. Be patient with yourself, with time you’ll get to appreciate the new you. Okay, I’m going to stop here for now. Care to share your experiences? I would love to hear from you.

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