It’s my birth month. The only month where I get to celebrate myself every day. It is only fitting that I make this month’s blog post about self-love and self-care. Before we dive in, here are some basic definitions from Google on what self-love and self-care mean:
- Self-love – Having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness. It also means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others.
- Self-care – The practice of taking action to preserve and improve one’s own health.
Basically, self-love and self-care mean being selfish and not being apologetic about it. And for me, November is a month I dedicate strictly to being selfish which is not too bad considering that we have twelve months in a year. I went to see my therapist yesterday and as part of my treatment she gives me ‘homework’. My homework for this month is to do a little research on what self-love and self-care is, and to also figure out what they mean to me. Me writing this blog is a part of my homework (haha). Naturally, I am extremely self-less. I put others’ needs and wants before mine. I used to believe that this made me a great leader and lover until it started eating away big chunks off my life.
It has a lot to do with the fact that I come from a relatively big family. Being the middle child, I grew up with the mentality that my job is to help take care of my younger siblings while my mother focused on taking care of my eldest siblings. I took that mentality with me to school. I was the one who always offered a shoulder to cry on or a helping hand and I hardly questioned why my acts of love and service were not being reciprocated. I would often hear people say, “you’re so matured for your age” and somehow my naïve 14-year-old a$$ considered that to be a compliment.
I carried this ‘maturity’ with me into my relationships and it only led to me being taken for granted. I basically fell in love with men who excelled at being selfish. One guy I dated for two years ghosted me for two weeks, came back with the “my mom was ill” excuse and I forgave him. I only found out after we broke up that his mom never fell ill, he was on a vacation with another girlfriend. Then there is that one who guilt tripped me into believing that not taking out a loan (in my name) to help him start up his business is a sign that I don’t love him and that him and I would never survive in marriage. I could go on and on but I’m not here to rant. The point I’m trying to drive home is that it’s so ridiculously easy to end up in a poopy situation when you just don’t love yourself enough. My therapist basically told me to be a bit more selfish with my time and energy and I understood her.
I challenged myself to figure out what self-love looks like for me and this list summarizes it:
- Giving myself that much needed break from my responsibilities
- Choosing not to argue
- Acknowledging that I am human and am bound to make mistakes (that’s how we learn and grow)
- Choosing to only give to those who truly appreciate my time and efforts
- Choosing to love like I have never been hurt
Well, what about self-care? For me, taking good care of myself means:
- A solo vacation or road trip
- A full body massage at the spa
- A glass of wine on the balcony while listening to Sade
- Getting my hair and nails done
- Committing to seeing my therapist when I need to
- Praying and meditating
- Going to the gym
- Putting my phone away for a few hours on my weekends off (that time is usually spent discovering just how much Mbali has grown)
Figuring out what self-love looks like for you as an individual is an important part of your mental health and personal growth. Remember, you need to keep your cup full before you think about pouring into others. I challenge you to also draw up your own self-love and self-care list.
