So, you found out that you are pregnant. You are beaming with excitement. You’re about to become a new mom, of course you have
to be excited! You’re hoping your partner in conception is just as excited by the thought of becoming a father – which he appears to be
in the beginning. But then it happens…
Like flicking a switch, things start to turn. Fear starts creeping in and you are shaking at the realization that your life is about to change
drastically. “You are not ready!”, says the gentle but panicked voice in your head. You nod in agreement. “But are you ever fully
prepared for the major events in your life?”, asks the other tranquil voice. At this point you just want your thoughts to shut up because
you are conflicted and they are not helping. You call your closest friends and siblings to share the news hoping they will come to the
rescue and provide that much needed voice of reason. They are delighted, offering a boost to that glimmer of hope in you. All is well
until one of them asks, “Is he also excited to be a father?”. In that moment, you pause and realize that you haven’t really ‘talked’ to
your partner about his thoughts on this newly acquired role in your life. Eish!

For me, it happened in stages. Initially, it seemed as if he was thrilled by the news. I called him to the bathroom to show him the
pregnancy tests. Without saying a word, he grabbed the car keys and we went out for what seemed and felt like a ‘celebratory dinner’.
Soon after our meal (an intensely quiet one), he ordered himself four shots of Jagermeister and got me a virgin cocktail. I genuinely
thought that was his way of showing me how ecstatic he was. He was a man of few words, his behavior was not shocking at all. We
got home, spent the rest of the evening talking about everything else but the pregnancy (a complete red flag) and we concluded the
night with the usual ‘hanky panky’.

Days and weeks went by and we were okay. We went to the first ob/gyn appointment together which, for me, was proof that we were
solid. Mans was excited to see his little one for the first time and so was I. Two weeks after the appointment (Week 15 in my
pregnancy), he dropped the “I don’t think I’m ready to be a father” bomb. Yoh! I became dizzy same time! Needless to say, things went
downhill from there. My problems compounded. On top of the pregnancy hormones and sickness, somehow I had to prepare myself
for life as a single mother. Damn!

Thank God for my bomb-ass support squad! If it were not for them, I would’ve been destined for doom. My squad consists of family,
friends and colleagues. I realize now that I would’ve been deep in the pits if I had not made a conscious effort to recognize their
presence in my life. Oftentimes, when we are confronted by difficult situations, we tend to self-isolate and throw ourselves the biggest
pity party. A pity party is okay (life is hard) but we need to always remember the support squad. There was a time where I thought I
would not make it but then I look at my life now and realize just how blessed I am. The situation was hopeless in the beginning. Their
means of trying to reach out to me were not giving me joy. All I wanted was to hear my baby daddy say “I’m sorry, I panicked. Don’t
worry, I’m here for you.” and everything would be okay. But with each day that went by without hearing those words, I sank deeper and
deeper.

Love comes in many forms. For me, it was the long phone calls with my sisters; my dad washing my car each time I visited, my mom
making sour sorghum soft porridge for breakfast, those occasional rants about work with Itu, and Andrea’s endless invitations for coffee that saved me. All these things that I mentioned used to be a blur. My life started changing the moment I stopped being passive and actively paid
attention to these acts. A lot of members to my support squad, who I didn’t mention here, saved my life in some way. If you think you
are in the pits and are convinced there’s absolutely no way out, I challenge you to pay attention to your support squad and start
identifying their small acts of love. Soon you’ll realize that there’s so much to live for and will actually start loving again. It’s not too late.
You can start today. Right now.